Loving Baby J

I was fortunate to spend 5 days of mother-daughter time at a cute little cottage in Michigan last week...just me, Jaime, and Baby J.!  It was wonderful!  I felt the baby kick for the first time, got to feel his little hiccups, and generally just relished our time together.  While we were there, though, I noticed something that I can't stop thinking about.  It was her hands.  The first time I saw her hands, they were tiny little fists flailing about uncontrollably seconds after her birth.  Later, they became the hands of a little gymnast--calloused, peeling, sometimes bleeding.  Later still, when she was quite a bit older, her hands were those of a dancer...graceful and soft.  But now...I watched her over and over as she rubbed her baby belly, soothing our little guy.  Sometimes it seemed to be done consciously.  Other times it seemed to be instinctual.  Her hands are now the hands of a mother .  It brought tears to my eyes.

Last night after two long days of traveling, I connived my husband into watching "So You Think You Can Dance" with me.  It's one of my guilty pleasures.  If you've never seen it, there are some really spectacular dancers who show up to audition.  Three judges decide whether the audition is worthy of a trip to Las Vegas for further auditioning.  I find it to be fairly authentic and serious, as opposed to American Idol (which I still watch, BTW) which is often ridiculous and "fake."  Anyway, one of the last dancers to take the stage was a young man named Cody.  Cody has Down syndrome, according to his mom who was sitting in the audience.  It's the first time I've seen a person with Down syndrome audition for any of these kinds of shows.  Cody has some fairly serious speech difficulties, but was able to introduce himself and explain what he was there for--to audition with a hip-hop piece.  He then said that the reason he came was that he was a f...

I haven't posted in my blog for a few days.  I realized that I needed to just sit with all this for awhile and let myself take it all in.  But today I have some news and some deep thoughts.  First, the news--Baby J had his first echo-cardiogram yesterday.  And no, he hasn't been born yet!  It's amazing what they can do now.  His heart is working perfectly!  That's a big concern with children with Ds--heart problems.  And this is by no means a guarantee that he won't have or develop heart problems later, but we were very happy with this news!  A Level 2 ultrasound (just more detailed) still shows us no additional markers for Ds.  I find that interesting and somehow encouraging.  All-in-all, yesterday was a good news kind of day. Now for some deep thoughts.  Sometimes people will say things like, "Well, it could be worse."  Or..."There are so many things that could be worse,"  or...you get the idea.  I know the in...

There are some things I am afraid of right now.  First and foremost is writing this entry about scary things because some of these things I don't want to say out loud or write.  But I'm going to because I think they might hit home with other people, too.  I've always had a sort of life mantra of "Do something scary every day."  This is my scary thing today--writing about the things I'm afraid of.  Here goes. I'm afraid of not knowing what kind of Down syndrome Baby J. has.  What if it's very severe?  Can I handle that?  I know the answer, but I'm still afraid. I'm afraid that I might cry when he's born.  Oh, my gosh!  Of course I will cry!  And I think they will be tears of joy, but I'm still afraid.  What if my face shows shock or something similar?  I adore this baby already, but I'm still afraid something scary might sneak out of my face at the wrong time. I know he's going to be adorable.  I mean, he's got Ja...

I learned so much in the past week!  And I realize I am still ignorant, and have much more to learn.  But here are some things I have learned: One in every 691 babies in the United States is born with Down syndrome.  I was shocked!  I would have guessed maybe one in every 10,000???  Approximately 6,000 babies with Down syndrome are born each year in the U.S. Wow! There are 3 types of Down syndrome, and we don't know yet which type Baby J. has.  There is Trisomy 21, the most prevalent type, representing 95% of the population with Down syndrome.  There is Mosaicism, representing 1% of the population with Down syndrome.  And finally, there is Translocation, representing about 4% of the population with Down syndrome.  You can read about all 3 types by going to http://www.ndss.org/Down-Syndrome/What-Is-Down-Syndrome/.  This is a very informative website. If you don't want to get all medically technical, here are some things I've learn...

The insights just keep on coming!  Today I've been thinking about myself and who I am and how this impacts Baby J.  I am a woman, a wife, a mother.  I will soon be a Nana.  I am a college math professor.  I am a perfectionist and an introvert.  I process slowly.  I love to read.  I'm not good at any organized sports.  I'm completely at home in the water and love to swim.  I don't like crowds.  I like silence because it never really is.  I like to travel.  I have terrible spatial sense, and I get super frustrated when things change on the computer.  I hate discussing politics or religion.  I love to think about religion.  I hate to think about politics.  All of these things and many more make up who I am.  My conclusion?  Baby J. is and will be so much more than his Down syndrome.  That represents just one tiny little chromosome of his make-up and who he will become.  So today I am pu...

Today has brought on some very new and interesting insights.  I want to start with my daughter.  As I said earlier, Jaime and I have always been very close.  But I've always thought of her even at this age as "my little girl."  I know.  Kind of silly.  I mean, she is 35 years old.  But it's a mom thing.  So when she and Ryan got pregnant, I still thought like that.  And I thought that way when she called with this news of Down syndrome--I needed to be the comforting mom.  But in the past 48 hours something has completely changed.  I see her now for the amazing woman she has become.  She has taken this news and just run with it!  She's made contacts and done research; she's cried; she's rebounded.  But most of all I have sensed this intense resolve...a tangible change I can feel through the phone.  I am in awe!  And I am so very proud!  She and Ryan have GOT this! :)