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Happiness versus Joy

October is Down syndrome awareness month, so like I do every single day, I am thinking about Wes. Specifically, I'm thinking about how amazingly supportive my face-to-face friends and my Facebook friends have been over Wes and Down syndrome in general. People always comment when I post pictures of Wes or when I talk about things that we've done with him. But one of the things that is said most frequently is either, "THEY are always so happy!" or "HE is always so happy." I'm not really offended by it, but it stirs up a little something in me that I think I need to put in words. And please, I get it! When someone says that about a person who has Down syndrome, I realize they are saying it with love and compassion...letting me know that not only do they "see' me and "see" Wes, but that they acknowledge and support us. The intention is good and pure and positive. But let's talk just a minute about the truth...the truth about happiness versus joy.

Yes, Wes is happy sometimes. And sometimes he is not. He has thrown tantrums (not as many as his mama threw), he cries when he's mad (just like his mama), he gets tired, he whines, he grabs, and oh dear god, he used to bite. I mean, come on! He's a toddler! All those things not only describe Wes, they describe most any toddler you've ever been in contact with, right? And that is part of my point...Wes IS any toddler. He just happens to have one extra chromosome. Big whoop! But he is still a toddler...growing into a little boy...seeing, feeling, doing all the things other toddlers and little boys do.

So what prompts the comments of "They are always so happy!"? I believe it is the display of JOY. Without meaning to generalize (it's so hard not to, isn't it?), I think that with that extra 21st chromosome, comes an advanced ability to be true to one's own emotions. By that I mean, the happiness, joy, sadness, frustration that Wes feels is displayed WITHOUT the filter of caring what other people think...without the filter of what's socially appropriate...without the filter of feeling too "mature" to show such emotions...those filters that typical children develop at such a young age and we carry into adulthood. THAT is what I think is being confused with, "He is always so happy." Nope, he's not. He's just always so true, so real, so honest, so un-filtered. And yes, I realize that is not always a good thing, but it is most definitely a remarkable thing!

I read a book recently called Supporting Positive Behavior in Children and Teens with Down Syndrome, by Dr. David Stein. The thing that jumped out at me the most and still sticks with me is this: People with Down syndrome are going to be developmentally delayed somehow...often cognitively. But when it comes to emotional development? They have us beat by a landslide! It's because of those filters they don't carry. I kind of envy that.
So it's okay if you say to me, "He's always so happy." I won't be offended or mad. But I think the truth is that he is so able to show his joy over whatever it is that is making him happy at the moment, that it not only overpowers him, it overpowers all of us. Can you imagine being filled with joy like that? Unadulterated joy...no filters!

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