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Things I Am Afraid Of

There are some things I am afraid of right now.  First and foremost is writing this entry about scary things because some of these things I don't want to say out loud or write.  But I'm going to because I think they might hit home with other people, too.  I've always had a sort of life mantra of "Do something scary every day."  This is my scary thing today--writing about the things I'm afraid of.  Here goes.

  • I'm afraid of not knowing what kind of Down syndrome Baby J. has.  What if it's very severe?  Can I handle that?  I know the answer, but I'm still afraid.
  • I'm afraid that I might cry when he's born.  Oh, my gosh!  Of course I will cry!  And I think they will be tears of joy, but I'm still afraid.  What if my face shows shock or something similar?  I adore this baby already, but I'm still afraid something scary might sneak out of my face at the wrong time.
  • I know he's going to be adorable.  I mean, he's got Jaime and Ryan for parents!  But I'm afraid of his looking "different."  That one is very hard to admit to, but it's true.  I'm sorry.
  • I'm really afraid of some of the medical problems that often accompany a diagnosis of Down syndrome.  I'm afraid it will hurt too much to watch Jaime and Ryan have to cope with that.
  • I'm afraid for the times when other people might be mean.  I can handle mean kids...I'm an educator.  But what about adults?  I'm afraid a stranger will say something mean.  I'm afraid I will not be able to offer a gracious reply.  Actually, I'm afraid I'll be so pissed off I'll say something stupid back!  (I'm not really all that afraid of that.  I'm pretty sure I'll mess up in this situation once or twice.  Better watch out!)
  • I'm afraid to think too far down Baby J's future road.  I know I'm supposed to just stay present in the moment and not worry about his adulthood, but what happens then?  This really scares me.
  • This one is going to sound crazy, but it's true.  I'm afraid of a misdiagnosis.  What if we've gone through all this, and it's wrong?  I'm afraid I will be a little bit disappointed.  
  • I'm afraid of not being good enough and strong enough to accept everything our little guy is and is going to be, and to support Jaime and Ryan the way they need to be supported.
There's other things...but those were the hardest to say.  That's why I said them.  And honestly?  I know I'm going to do a great job.  But that doesn't mean I'm not afraid.

Comments

  1. stickyfrogJuly 5, 2015 at 3:31 PM

    I am not afraid of over half the things you are Sherry but I will be there for you, my daughter, my son-in-law and most importantly for my grandchild. Whatever capacity is needed or wanted.

    ReplyDelete

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